If only.... If only I could be the proverbial last leaf for my dear parents... Boy how I would love that... Such selfish soul I am... To want to wish something for my loved ones to satisfy my own desire... heh... What can I say? I'm a selfish bastard. ^^;

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I don't know how long it has been. I'm not even sure if what I'm feeling is an accurate interpretation of the symptoms, either... Even if it were, I'm pretty certain that there has not been an intentional effort on my part to do it! I swear! I think... argh... confused... Oh, you're wondering what the hell I'm talking about, eh? Well I'm trying to see if I've been preventing myself from becoming too emotional, and I'm just in denial... I'm still debating internally whether what I'm discovering as I take more and more time to reflect back at myself, if the way I'm interpreting what I see is really accurate. It could be a misinterpretation of potentially unrelated symptoms, ya know. But, what I've noticed is that I've at least made a concerted effort not to listen to sappy songs for... at least several years now. Yeah, several years... Now, I repeat that sentence for reasons other than literary effect. What confuses me is that although I had intentionally stopped listening to such songs, it wasn't for any deep reason. It was primarily because I seeemed easily effected by such songs. I just didn't enjoy the fact that those songs could effect my emotions so greatly. Well, maybe that was a deep reason.. ^^ On the surface, ast least, it was just a reaction to an external source that seemed to cloud my judgement and effect my desire to keep my head straight and think logically. Well, now that I've done that for an extended period of time I'm beginning to wonder if I'm doing that because I'm afraid. Afraid of what? I dunno for sure, but my hunch is that I may be afraid of becoming emotional? Not quite sure... Heh, what the hell am I talking about? I have no clue... Long vacations can do this to me... =)

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