• Hours of sleep I've been able to get per day in average for the last 4 weeks: 4 hours
• Hours spent in my bedroom studio working on the Lunar Gala remixes for the last 4 weeks: ~240 hours
• Hours spent on 3 remixes which I ended up throwing away to start from scratch: ~75 hours
• Having all the stress disappear from the face of the earth after 2 and a half hours at the iFS LG performance group social: priceless

Man, I feel alive again... I just love being able to see passionate people dance in front of my eyes...

In so much pain right now... It's not like I don't go through this every year, but it seems extra painful this year... For what reason could that be? Perhaps cuz I feel as if I have no where I can seek comfort in... Nobody to seek guidance from... Nobody to be able to share the pain with... Well, that has always been the case, tho... There was not one person in my entire DJ career whom I could share this aspect of my life with... It's so painful I could cry like a baby... Now is one of those times you know you're gonna make it through just fine, but yet there's that tiny bit of fear in the corner of your head that whispers "But, who says this ins't that final moment you're actually gonna fail.". Music has always been like that to me... Is it supposed to be this painful? I dunno... I haven't the slightest clue...

Pain of creation.... I suppose it's pain people with the luxury of being able to call such thing "pain" suffer from... If you happen to see any type of artist on the street, give him/her a hug... Not that people with other professions don't need support, but I know from first-hand experience that artists go through a lot of things... and although it's true that ultimately they themselves are responsible for enduring and progressing to the next stage, having constant support and encouragement is vital to the overall process in my opinion. If you don't want to deal with that, then just don't make friends with artsy people. :P

I'm starting to get really sick and tired of this recurring nightmare when it comes to working with some undergraduate students. I suppose it's just the very nature of undergraduate life and they're certainly not to blame for acting their age. It's just that maybe I need to move on... maybe I will feel so much more satisfaction or sense of achievement out of working with truly dedicated people. People who are passionate about what they do enough so that they're willing to schedule other tasks around it and prioritize accordingly. I'm in no way saying that working with music is my only number 1 priority. It ranks the same as my job, my studies, and my love for driving and snowboarding. It's just that I have to schedule things around or sacrifice one for the other at certain points in time to bring about the most happiness from them.

In a professional or amateur setting where you only have dedicated people in the mix, you can say "Yo, during this important time if you'd rather be off with your buddies drinking, then maybe you're not ready to commit", but I'm not sure what that'll mean to college students who are uncertain of what they're truly passionate about. It might have a negative effect of turning them away from the activity even before they find out for certain whether or not they are passionate about it. One might argue that if you're passionate about something you'll instantly know. I don't agree. I believe you never know for sure until you truly understand what is involved. It took me 4 years of college education to FINALLY realize that I was indeed passionate about Computer Science. If I were to have given up Computer Science during my junior year I would have never looked back. Who knows what I may be doing now if that would have happened? So I guess it just boils down to me growing up and learning to deal better with these situations... like stop expecting too much...